There's nothing more eye-opening than a dumbell falling off a bench and crushing your little toe.As this event unfolded in Monday's weight training class, my responded was inevitable--I laughed. Laughter is the cure for these (mis)adventures in my life. And I wish I could say that Monday's (mis)adventure opened my eyes to a life-epiphany, but I was more concerned about my offended appendage and damaged pride at the time. Upon reflection, my totem animal could have chosen a different (and less painful) way to make his presence known, but that wouldn't be in his character or mine. My Totem is known to learn his lessons the hard (painful!) way, and he teaches his lessons through wisdom found in folly. Yes, I got pranked by my totem animal. But sore toe aside, I learned that you should set dumbells down perpendicular on a bench, and that my project would be a lot easier because my totem animal had to be a coyote.
The weight training room wasn’t where my totem animal and I first met. I actually had a fascination with wolves when I was younger, my clan totem, so pictures of coyotes found their way into my life due to the similarity of features. His physical presence actually came as a shadow animal at first.
Many nights on my grandparents’ ranch echoed with the haunting sound of the coyotes’ howl. I would shiver in bed listening to them and knowing they were responsible for the death of some of our barn cats. It makes sense that I feared them at my grandparents’ ranch considering the trouble the “big girls” would get into and then blame the “babies”. (The coyote as a shadow animal is a trickster known for his deceptive and manipulative ways.)My older sister, younger sister, cousin and I were the “big girls” that found many outlets for our mischievous ways at the sprawling ranch, but we found our scapegoats in the group we callously labeled “the babies” which included my youngest sister and two younger cousins. Though we weren’t mean to them all the time, we deceived and manipulated enough for me to fear the coyote as my shadow animal. After all, deception and manipulation are his specialty.
The coyote is no longer my shadow totem as I’ve grown out of the role of childish and cruel sibling. My next personal encounter with him would be at a different time of day, a very different part of the country, and a different time of my life. As I mentioned briefly in my road map, I embarked on a life altering journey across the United States on a bicycle two summers ago. One day while we were in Alaska, I found myself riding alone in a woodsy area. Looking up ahead I noticed something on the side of the road. I continued out of a mixture of curiosity and necessity until I came close enough to realize it was a coyote standing just where the road and the grass met. I approached cautiously, but felt no threat considering he merely looked at me. My fanciful mind jumped at possibilities and waited for something to happen, but he just continued to watch me. Even after I passed and looked back, he never moved. The friend following me about a mile back said she didn’t see him when she went by. I can't say that moment in time changed my life from then on, but it did make an impression on me. It made me wonder if it meant anything. The coyote’s role as a spirit guide is to draw attention to a certain aspect of your life or to teach you a lesson. I still can’t say for certain why he showed himself to me that day, but the more I learn about him, the better chance I have at understanding.
One theory to explain a coyote’s presence says, “you must look at something you have been avoiding. They are mirrors for the lessons we must learn so we are able to walk a good sacred road. The mirror will be held up incessantly until we finally get the picture.[i]“ If this were the reason I saw the coyote, what had I been avoiding?Others say the coyote wants to you laugh at your mistakes, or he wants to teach you a lesson. But my mind didn’t contemplate his purpose for long because, like the coyote, I’m easily distracted my mind veered to think about something else.
Animal humanities reunited me with my totem animal. The animal quest was only semi-successful considering my mind jumped from different places as if I were thrown into a broken time machine that processed “random” every few seconds. Even my conversation with my coyote spirit was interrupted with my ever-shifting focus. But my coyote understood because he is easily bored and vastly curious as well—he didn’t want to stick around and chat for too long either. And with our newly formed bond, I can embrace the coyote medicine that "includes understanding that all things are sacred and that yet nothing is sacred, teaching us that only when all masks have fallen will we connect with the source, illumination, stealth, intelligence, singing humans into being, childhood trust in truth, teaching us how to raise our young, they bring rain, give one the ability to laugh at one’s own mistakes, placing the North Star, shape-shifting, teaching balance between risk and safety, trickster, devilment, cunning, wisdom, folly.[i]"
Most totem animals do not have negative reputations because their descriptions focus only on their redeeming qualities. Coyotes, on the other hand, are a paradoxical mixture of wise sage and hapless fool. Like the coyote, I'm smart but I get myself into trouble, I trust others but can be gullible, I learn from my mistakes but I may repeat them. Basically, I'm human. The same parallel exists in traditional oral literature of Native Americans where the coyote "represent[s] the First People, members of a mythic race who first populated our world and lived before humans existed. The First People had tremendous powers and created all we know in the world, but they were--like us--capable of being brave or cowardly, conservative or innovative, wise or stupid.[ii]" As I walk through life with my coyote totem, he shows me both sides that make up my whole. By being aware of my virtues and faults, I can strive to live with balance.
The idea of balancing two sides reoccurs with coyotes. They teach you to laugh at your mistakes, balance necessary work and child-like pleasure, and live with a healthy mixture of comedy and drama. My life is an endless testing of the scale. The coyote has taught me that it only takes a little laughterto balance the scale after a (mis)adventure or mistake. I laughed after unintentionally inflicting bodily harm on myself after all. I've mastered the balance act of laughing at my mistakes as well as keeping enough comedy vs drama in my life, however, I still look to his guidance to help me balance work and pleasure. I either overload my "work" side of the scale or my "pleasure" side. And I discover the consequences the hard way whether it's losing touch with friends as I become a human hermit or fall behind in school work as I become a social butterfly. The coyote carries these life lessons that are crucial to growth and change, but his unorthodox way of teaching makes him unique.
A perfect example of learning the hard way, repeating mistakes, and mixing a combination of comedy and drama in life is Wile E Coyote from Looney Tunes. He’s mischievous in his ever persistent pursuit of the roadrunner, he gets hurt all the time, he trusts too easily, and he embodies the perfect combination of drama in pursuit and comedy in failures. And even though I am accident prone like Wile E, my foot did not swell up comically large and red like our cartoon coyote’s.
Here’s a short video from Wile E Coyote to remind us to laugh at our disasters.
Wile E Coyote is an exaggerated version of the real coyote. The name “coyote” comes from the animal's Aztec name—coyotl.[iii]Coyotes run in packs or as loners, roam either day or night and eat nearly anything—fresh meat, carrion, insects, fruits and vegetables.They have been known to pass over meat in favor of fresh fruits and berries. They have an insatiable sweet tooth (I agree), which will lead them to raid melon fields and orchards. Despite this diverse appetite, coyotes primarily feed on rabbits, birds, seeds, insects, fish and snakes. They may also stalk larger prey such as domestic sheep, deer and pronghorns. Their wide range of appetite helps them do what they do best—survive. A toss up for their theme song came up between “I’m a survivor” by Destiny’s Child and “Tubthumping” by Chumbawumba. The first is obvious, but the line, “I get knocked down, but I get up again—you’re never going to keep me down” shows the appropriateness of the second. So with my totem animal’s help, I will be able to survive what comes my way and adapt to any situation I find myself in.
Meeting my totem animal is eye opening to who I am as well as empowering to who I can be. With the coyote by my side, I have faith that “I’ll get back up again” because “I’m a survivor.”
Coyote Woman
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